Inspirational thought of the week:
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Soaked in my pain again
Becoming who we are
How my memory rests
But never forget what I lost
Wake me Up When September Ends
— “Wake Me When September Is Over”, Green Day
Here at the Lower 10 headquarters, somewhere in the midst of a blue and red demonstration protesting the absence of artists formerly known as the Kansas Nyhawks from the AP top 25, we look at the college football standings and wonder aloud, how the wide, wide world of sports went down the same path in September as he did. And we mean down in the most literal sense.
• 3 teams without victories
• 27 teams with one win
• 7 teams with four defeats
• 31 teams with three defeats
• 12 losses against the top 15 teams
• Everything that App State has done
• All the things App State didn’t do.
As the autumn air begins to cool and the hues of the fall foliage turn into a kaleidoscope of colors, a pile of spaghetti lies underneath. While others are focused on a thrilling, eye-popping cavalcade of conference champions, college football playoff contenders, and Heisman Trophy finalists, we dutifully grabbed our rake instead to dig up those pesky leaves, petals, and needles. Down to the mulch and dirt that form the basis of what makes these others so annoyingly great. Without us, they would not exist. This is the Circle of Life. We are simply part of a circle that comes down from the treetops and is meant to be trodden on by alien thorns.
Do not worry. We will see them all here with us at some point. For with every fall, some teams must, well, fall. It doesn’t matter how high they once soared or how tall their stems may have been. Amirite, Nebraska?
My apologies to Ryan Leaf, Billie Joe Armstrong and Steve Harvey, here are the rankings of the last ten players after week 4.
1. Colorado State (0-4)
The Rams extended their worst FBS losing streak to 10 games after a 41–10 home loss to Sacramento State. For the FCS Hornets of the Big Sky Conference, this marked their second victory over the FBS program in 25 attempts, though sources tell the Bottom 10 JortsCenter newsroom that a petition has been started to receive the award for “winning the FBS program”. removed because, hey, does Colorado really fit?
2. Color-spirit (0-4)
Meanwhile, the Buffs also pulled back their fourth loss this year, prompting state officials to look into putting together the latest version of the Rocky Mountain Showdown, which is not being played this season. However, instead of being hosted at Empower Field, the home of the Denver Broncos, it will be held next door in the parking lot that used to be Mile High Stadium.
3. A-Why?-Yeah (1-4)
The Warriors lost Pillow Fight of the Week: Episode I at New Mexico State 45–26. No offense to the state of San Diego and Nevada, but our attention is already riveted on the trip of Hawaii on October 22 to the state of Colorado. We were trying to book a hotel room in Fort Collins this weekend but everything was booked up. We’re guessing it’s scheduled for College GameDay.
4. UMess (1-3)
The Minutemen were edged out by the Temple of Doom in the pillow fight of the week, part of Deux 28-0. Now they’re up against Eastern Michigan University’s Emus, who just lost to last week’s top 10 ninth-placed Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, with a similar squeaker, 50-31. Speaking of Indiana Jones references…
5. Ark “We lost to the raiders”
If you played a team with a chromatic version of the Raiders as a mascot, you were doomed, even if you made it to the top 25 of the “They’re back!” The Miami Hurricanes were stunned by the Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders 45-31, while the Texas Longhorns lost to the Texas Tech Red Raiders 37-34. Elsewhere, the Mount Union Purple Raiders defeated Muskingum 59-0, and while the Rutgers-Newark Scarlet Raiders don’t have football, their football team beat Stockton 3-1. And at Disney+, Luke Skywalker got his ass kicked again by the Tusken Raiders.
6. Can’t (1-4)
A week after Michigan’s Blake Corum threw five touchdowns, the Huskies scored four touchdowns ahead of North Carolina State’s Devin Leary. Recordings obtained by the Lower 10 Investigation Unit showed that former UConn coach Randy Edsall contacted current UConn boss Jim Mora Jr. via email with the subject line “Congratulations!” Embarrassed, Mora replied, “For what?” Edsall then apologized, explaining that he had assumed Mora’s contract with the university was the same as his and included a clause “helped an opposing star get NFL draft status” requiring a $10,000 bonus.
7. Akronmonius (1-3)
After being defeated by Power 5 rivals Michigan State and Tennessee, the Zips drew within 2 points against the Liberty before losing 21-12. This creates a rare PFOW Double Goozle event within the conference as Akron takes on Boiling Green in a 1-3 team #MACtion East toss kicking off just as our next opponents should be approaching halftime…
8. Baller State (1-3)
House of Cards takes on northern noisy other huskies in another #MACtion 1-3 squad clash, this time in the West. If Ball State loses, it will move on to another current MAC team 1-3 in Central Michigan, followed by another set of Huskies at UConn on Oct. 15, followed by waitlist member 10 in Eastern Michigan and then Kent State, also currently time 1-3. Oh who are we kidding? No one can keep track of all this. So, until we tell you otherwise, let’s just assume that any MAC team you see right now is rated 1-3 because eight out of a dozen teams are and the other four are 2-2.
9. Mexico State (1-4)
Speaking of ball moves, how about the Other Aggies popping in first Sunday morning to make sure we’ve seen their count from Hawaii? With the 10 worst waiters on the FI(non-A)U list arriving in Las Cruces this weekend, can New Mexico move to greener pastures, er, browner deserts?
— Ryan McGee (@SportzshalaMcGee) September 25, 2022
10. Wandering Stance (1-3)
Georgia Tech is jumping over neighboring Georgia, but not Southern, to take that place in the rankings held by Nebraska two weeks ago and Arizona a week ago, also known as “We just fired our coach in September.” We checked the rulebook for the 10 worst, and once we sorted through the ketchup-soaked pages, it actually said that a school that fires its coach after a weekend that starts in September but ends in October still has to take the spot. if such an event occurs next week. Oddly enough, this old set of rules with a sticky note “CHECK IT” was delivered to us in a box postmarked “Auburn, Alabama.”
Waiting list: Georgia state non-south, north through northwest, Fres-no state, Arizona Skate, Charlotte 1 & 4’ers, US (non-C) F, BC Headache Powders, No-braska, Lose-iana Tech, FI ( not A )U, Temple of Doom, Utah Other Other Aggies, Arkansaw State, see previous MAC note.