As I sit down at my laptop, drinking two-day-old coffee, convinced myself it tastes fresh by adding a few ice cubes and eating a slice of pizza that’s been on my stove since Saturday, the anxiety is still real. This week begins the distribution of buckets of tears personally!

Arizona Cardinals in my favorite Las Vegas Raiders

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No deficit seems to be overcome and no lead feels safe when you’re a Raiders fan? 20-0? 23-7? The steadfast know not to drink champagne too early.

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Two touchdowns and two two-point conversions in the fourth quarter, including one when Kyler Murray had more time to shoot than his family during the speed round in Celebrity Family Feud, ended in sensationalism and… an overtime fumble recovery score. as a result, the game exceeded the total (51.5) and ensured the victory of the Cardinals.

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Verdict: 1 Million Buckets of Tears (Yes, it’s a 1 to 5 scale, but that’s my column. Leave me alone)

Baltimore Ravens to Miami Dolphins

Imagine… you get on a plane and discover that hell is real, and there is no Wi-Fi in the flight. Oh, and while you were in the air, your team had one of the greatest fourth quarter comebacks we’ve ever seen, and your young quarterback announced he was a star. These are tears of joy, Dolphin fans and betters. Just ask this guy:

Verdict: Five buckets of joy!

New York Jets – Cleveland Browns

When all you want is a touchdown, a sidekick and another touchdown in the last two minutes of the game, you know you’ve got it if you have Flacco! 2229 teams in a row failed to make it, but you have Flacco!. I’ll go to the local good guy Field Yates to kindly remind the Browns fans that… well, you’ve ruined everything.

Verdict: Four buckets (it’s the Browns after all)

However, don’t be afraid. The chaos was not limited to Sunday. Saturday wanted to have some fun, just ask Darius Rucker.

Are we all wrong, dude? I mean, I want to understand one line of a Hootie song without reading it, but life isn’t always easy, my friend.

Georgia in South Carolina

Who cares about a 48-7 outlier? To all of us who bid, thank youoooo. Georgia forgoes its first touchdown of the season at trash time, but one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, as is the case with overcash.

Verdict: two buckets

Cal in Notre Dame

This game was harder to watch than your ex’s Instagram when they are finally in a happy and healthy relationship. What looked like all time a bad beat when Notre Dame caught a fumble and returned it for a touchdown that would have Irish cover as time was running out was called off and you went from telling the bar that the next round was on you to an Irish ghost at the time like no one was looking for.

Verdict: one bucket

South Alabama at UCLA

According to Dirks Bentley What was I thinking“Becky was a cutie from South Alabama.”

I still think South Alabama had this game in mind that led to UCLA scoring the game-winning field goal and the game ended.

Verdict: Two buckets is UCLA so no one gives a damn what a lot of

Purdue in Syracuse

THIS game reminded all of us why we love sports betting. Let’s face it, all six loyal fans of these teams were watching, but because of the ending, Twitter banned.

This game was 9-3 at half. SERIOUSLY. Only in the fourth quarter 42 points.

Perdue took the lead late, but TWO unsportsmanlike misses ON AN EXTRA POINT put Orange in full Dumb and Dumber mode. Yes, there is a chance.

More like Pur-ne? Orange wins AND over all in one game.

I feel like you are a senior vice president:

Verdict: 4.5 buckets

Rest and drink plenty of fluids because the ONLY thing I’m sure of is that we’ll be back here next week no matter what.

Send us your best reviews and bad beats on twitter @jasonfitz and you might even get something for free.

We’ll get them next weekend, Trey. I hope.