Jay Bilas picks every single game in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament

The biggest and most important day of college basketball season for talking heads on Sportzshala is Qualifying Sunday. It’s such an important day that our bosses at the Worldwide Leader put their cigars aside for a moment after lunch with a few martinis for a short time to decide whether to churn out additional expenses for Res Davis, Seth Greenberg, Lafonso Ellis and myself to have seats on the bus. . a Greyhound bus to Bristol, Connecticut, straight from the ACC tournament, in favor of the extra cost of allowing us an Uber ride about 30 miles to our drafty, musty motel for a nap after a grueling Champions Week schedule.

Of course, our thrifty bosses invariably choose to save $20 and put us in the Dirty Dog, but their long deliberation makes us the very last passengers to board an already moving bus, and the only remaining seats are next. crying babies and a chatty cowboy with a guitar. However, because of our boundless love for the game, we enjoy getting into the Screaming Baby Express for a night ride, swallowing exhaust fumes and tripping over dirty diapers – adults and children alike.

When we finally arrive at Sportzshala’s Bristol campus as the sun rises on Selection Sunday, we’re hazy-eyed, disheveled and debilitated with no food or water after over 12 hours of non-stop travel on Dirty Dog. We are then escorted by armed guards straight to the set of the Sports Center, where we are handcuffed to a table so there is no escape. Our pampered bosses watch our performance on the air on multiple flat-screen TVs from their palatial homes, after removing the cucumber slices from their eyes, of course. Clad in satin robes as a huge staff of nameless valets, butlers and maids serve breakfast in bed, our bosses wonder aloud why they even hired us.

Later that evening, after being allowed a cellophane-wrapped tuna sandwich from a vending machine in the hallway, we prepare for the evening’s Bracketology show, where we scrutinize brackets, matches, players, and coaches from every angle imaginable. Without fail, as soon as the tournament field is revealed, we are given a grid for each region so that we can make our choice.

Our bosses routinely call the braces studio from a five-star restaurant in New York City, enjoying a taste purifier before the fourth 11-course meal, to remind us that we have a total of five minutes to think. matches and make our choices so that graphics can be built and our hasty choices can be communicated to viewers and players. Our bosses then move on to the most important decision of the evening: soufflé, strawberry arno or Madeleine truffle for dessert.

“What the hell,” one of the bosses will inevitably say, “let’s take all three… each. Subtract from Bilastrator’s miserable check.”

With only five minutes to make a choice in 63 games, we sometimes turn to Oliver Twist, who begs for some more porridge, causing recklessness to beg our bosses for a little more time to make a choice with some rational thinking. From the loudspeaker in the back room of the five-star restaurant, a shouting “no” is heard, followed by laughter and calls for “one more bottle of Dom Perignon… no, wait… make it Kristal.”

However, after ordering limoncellos and other digestifs, our bosses took out their cigars and mouthpieces and let their guard down and decided to throw me a bone. They say that if I really want more than five minutes to make my choice, I will be allowed to stay up all night to write this article if it is presented at the conclusion of their morning steam and massage, and as long as I leave the motel without asking for a late check out. Thanks to my diligence and love for my work, I accepted their kind offer. Armed guards outside the door of my motel room do not influence my decision.

My superiors know that my “More than Five Minutes Schedule” is objectively a national treasure filled with valuable information from the overloaded gray matter inside my gorgeous skull and will provide you with a comprehensive and comprehensive guide to winning the braces pool. your family competition or your office pool that will bring you a significant coin. Please.

More than Five Minutes Bracket will tell you about my flawless picks in every game, as well as the specific reasons a team can win or lose, and whether bad picks are worth the risk in your bracket. This, humbly speaking, is the gospel truth of Roundball’s wisdom. This season may have been an unpredictable rollercoaster ride, portending a bumpy ride throughout the tournament, so fasten your seat belts, set your seats to full upright position, and clear all tray tables. With Over Five Minute Grid, Bilastrator will give you a smooth ride and get you to your destination in Houston with a legitimate chance of winning the grid challenge. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy your Greyhound bus ride (while my bosses fly to Houston on a Disney plane). Don’t you love Dirty Dog?! I have learned to love it.


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