And that’s how the players came to the training camp. The NFL offseason was as short as Tom Brady’s retirement.

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Okay, this analogy was admittedly low on the scale of originality, but we hope this early mention gives us carte blanche to get past the aforementioned saga for the remainder of this off-season “social media album” of sorts.

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After all, we have more important things to discuss. You know Lamar Jackson showing off a toned physique, Kyler Murray engaging in cryptic Instagram activity, and Brady using a Justin Bieber-inspired TikTok trend to solve Tuck Rule.

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With 31 training camps underway (the Las Vegas Raiders started early last week), we’ll cover some of the defining moments off the field since the Los Angeles Rams lifted the Lombardi trophy in February. The new season is almost here, and it’s never cool to show up unprepared.

Love in the off season

The point of getting married in the off-season is that it makes sense from a planning standpoint. We’re going to take the risk and say that’s probably why so many players and coaches tend to do this. The 2022 off-season was no exception to the trend.

In March, Patrick Mahomes took his talents to Hawaii to marry his longtime girlfriend Brittany Matthews (Mahomes). The Maui ceremony was attended by several of his Kansas City Chiefs teammates, including Travis Kelsey, Orlando Brown Jr., Tyranne Mathieu, and Clyde Edwards-Heler.

While Mahomes’ wedding looked like an all-around good (read: lavish) time, it lacked the theatrics of another high-profile NFL wedding.

Los Angeles Rams head coach Sean McVeigh’s wedding in Beverly Hills. In June, the Super Bowl-winning coach joined the I AM ATHLETE podcast and shared that he had a surprise visitor in the form of one Odell Beckham Jr.

In OBJ’s Defence: After helping your coach win your first Super Bowl title, the wedding invitation seems like a mere formality.

If there were any wedding accidents at Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker TJ Watt’s wedding in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to football player Dani Rhodes, they haven’t been revealed on the podcast yet.

It’s been revealed on Instagram that the Watt Brothers – Arizona Cardinals quarterback JJ Watt and Steelers cornerback Derek Watt – aren’t the type to shy away from flashy beachwear.

While numerous players were getting married, Detroit Lions quarterback Jared Goff got engaged to Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model Kristen Harper.

We have a hunch that McVeigh might be off the guest list this time around.

Selling Sunset (and Denver)

Win the Super Bowl, buy two houses from Drake? This formula has always been adhered to by Los Angeles Rams defenseman Matthew Stafford.

Stafford’s teammate, three-time Defensive Player of the Year Aaron Donald, didn’t buy the house from the rapper, but he did buy a $17 million home in the same neighborhood as his QB with nine bathrooms and a movie theater.

Donald’s Complex may have a slight advantage over Stafford due to the illuminated waterfall. But Stafford has a private horse trail. … Not that we compare their luxury cribs (we do).

In other real estate news, after being traded from the Seattle Seahawks to the Denver Broncos, QB Russell Wilson and his superstar wife Ciara bought a $25 million home with a basketball court and indoor pool.

At the risk of surpassing the aforementioned Rams players, Wilson’s home has 12 bathrooms.

From now on, the number of bathrooms should be used as an indicator of off-season success.

TB12 uptake

We know what you’re thinking: Tom Brady needs more coverage.

It was playful. To put it mildly, Brady had a summer full of social media. The recently retired Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB has been involved in so many internet antics that we could easily dedicate an entire section to the seven-time Super Bowl champion and mention that he doesn’t retire just once… well, twice.

But when TB12 wasn’t busy promoting his Brady clothing brand, er, positioning himself for post-football success, he had some really fun moments online. One of them came at the expense of his long time rival and friend Peyton Manning and much to the delight of his greatest adversary Eli Manning.

In addition to chirping other QB legends, Brady spent some time reuniting with former New England Patriots teammates Rob Gronkowski (did we mention he retired? again is it off-season?), Julian Edelman and Danny Amendola on the set of 80 for Brady. The film, due for release in 2023, tells the story of four women heading to Super Bowl LI.

If Brady gets tired of all things Hollywood, a video posted to social media in May leads us to believe that the 44-year-old southpaw could return to his baseball roots.

Hey, strange things happened…

Namely, the time when TB12 used a Justin Bieber-inspired TikTok trend in which the singer encouraged people to “tell him something honest” to troll Las Vegas Raiders fans about playing Tuck Rule.

It’s all right, loyal Raiders, the universe is clearly just trying to make you come to terms with the deal with Davante Adams.

Rogers’ new ink

Are we really going to designate a player getting a tattoo as a defining moment of the off-season? Yeah.

You see, it was not just a player or ink. When Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers took to Instagram to show off his new hand drawing designed by Hungarian artist Balazs Bercsenyi, it sent social media into a frenzy. Fans and media experts have been asking the same question: what does it all mean?

According to the four-time NFL MVP, “There’s a deep and meaningful story and connection to absolutely every element of this piece of art.”

How incredibly… vague.

Rogers added that he would “tell a little more about it one day.” But for now, we are left to our own interpretations by the self-taught astrologer.

this is my protector

In the off-season, almost something like beef abounded. These weren’t full-blown feuds, but rather one-sided musings between wide receivers looking to show loyalty to one quarterback and not another.

Cue Carolina Panthers WR Robbie Anderson. The 29-year-old insisted he was just “thinking out loud,” but Anderson’s practice of tweeting — and sometimes deleting — his thoughts about team affairs created a fair amount of noise.

This sounds especially true when it comes to trading for Baker Mayfield. In response to a tweet that the Panthers were pursuing former Cleveland Browns quarterback (to compete with current starter Sam Darnold), Anderson responded with the comment, “Nooo.”

When asked about his public disapproval, Anderson said, “I said what I said. Just trying to be a good teammate for my quarterback. That’s all. Just trying to protect the guy who is my quarterback. You understand?

Anderson got people talking again in June with a recently deleted tweet that read: “I’m not gone, lying. I’m thinking about retiring.”

Spoiler alert: Anderson hasn’t retired, Mayfield is now the Panthers, and the Carolina locker room is a lot more interesting.

Meanwhile in Miami, the Dolphins WR Tyreek Hill faced fury over his comments comparing his current quarterback Tua Tagovailoa to his former Kansas City QB Patrick Mahomes during the debut episode of his It Should Have Been Said podcast.

“Obviously I’ll pick 15 as the strongest hand, but in terms of accuracy, I’ll be playing Tua all day,” Hill said.

The reaction of the Internet was harsh: in the second edition of his podcast, Hill said that he received death threats.

“We all know that Patrick Mahomes is great. We know that,” Hill said. “But right now I’m starting a new season with a new quarterback who is trying to move in the same direction as Patrick and do great things…