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Winners and Losers of NFL Week 3

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Every week in the 2022 NFL season, we’ll be celebrating electric pranks, investigating colossal bugs, and explaining the inexplicable moments of the latest tablet. Welcome to Winners and Losers. Which one are you?

Winner: Ass

Football is an incredibly complex game, with 22 players on the field at all times playing dozens of different positions and implementing strategies that take years of study to fully understand. And sometimes it doesn’t matter because the dude is kicking a soccer ball in his teammate’s ass.

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Friends, on Sunday we witnessed Butt Punt.

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At the end of the fourth quarter, the Dolphins-Bills had a four-point lead, but they needed to come out of the back of their end zone. And shots from the back of the end zone are… difficult. Here is a typical Miami punt formation:

You will see that the scrimmage line is 27, but the player, Thomas Morstead, is 14 yards from the line. Miami’s blockers are 10 yards from Morstead, giving him a clear and unobstructed space to operate. Because the player is so far behind, the punt team doesn’t need to block perfectly. If the blockers interfere even slightly with an opponent’s dash, they probably won’t have time to go 14 yards downfield to block the shot. And in Miami, there are gunners on both sides of the field who don’t even bother protecting Morstead – they’re mostly focused on getting deep into the field and covering the punt, preventing a long return.

But when a team is blocked in its own end zone, it has to play in a “tight” formation. He doesn’t have the luxury of worrying about returns – he has to focus 100 percent of his attention on keeping the player clean. With less distance between the player and the line of scrimmage, the defense is much more likely to block the shot, which will likely result in a safety (if the ball goes out of bounds) or a touchdown (if the opponent recovers in the end zone).

Look at the formation of the Dolphins on Butt Pant: they don’t even have gunners – only 10 people in a very small space, trying to hold the Buffalo onslaught. Unfortunately, Miami wide receiver Trent Sherfield accidentally overheard his favorite song, Megan Thee Stallion, when the ball was snapped and he jerked back towards Morstead instead of picking up the block. This made Morstead literally kick his ass.

It’s not unprecedentedit actually happened earlier this month at a college football gameBut that shouldn’t happen in the NFL. The ball ricocheted off Sherfield’s ass and went out of the end zone for safety, giving Buffalo two points and the ball with 85 seconds left. Usually, when a team gets so excited that asses and soccer balls interact with each other, they are close to falling apart. When the famous Butt Fumble happened in 2012, it was part of a disastrous stretch when the Jets allowed three touchdowns in 65 seconds of playing time, trailing 28-0 in a Thanksgiving primetime game against the Patriots.

But the dolphins held their own. Now with only a two-point lead, Miami needed to keep the league’s top offense from field goals in order to win, and they succeeded. With a follow-up safe, Morstead broke the ball for 74 yards, the longest hit in the NFL that year. Buffalo’s drive went 36 yards before time expired and Miami went 3-0. Dolphins have won as well as received an unprecedented zest associated with mining. And that’s the Miami way.

Loser: Starter Jimmy Garoppolo

Dan Orlovsky went out of his way to ruin his reputation. He does an excellent job of analyzing football on ESPN, especially when he sits in front of a large touch screen. breaking team trends how Steve Kornacki makes voting cards. He gives out a part the worst food opinions in the history of the Internet, and continues to share them, despite the fact that each of them is received with the same shock and horror as the previous one. He made a loud, farting sound on live TV last weekhoping to become famous… for something else, anything more. Something other than…well, what you remember his name for. Orlovsky, who played 13 seasons as a quarterback in the NFL, is best known for his running out of the back of the end zone during play he started for the Detroit Lions 0-16. His gaffe gave the Minnesota Vikings a two-point safety. The Lions lost 12-10. From now on, no one “runs out the back of the end zone”. They are “pulling Orlovsky.”

But on Sunday evening Orlovsky celebrated. Someone else did the stupid thing.

San Francisco quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo panicked completely under pressure from the Broncos defense in his end zone, the last place a player can afford to panic. He lost track of the space, staggered back and walked out of the end zone. (As a rule, Mike Tirico and Chris Collinsworth immediately referred to Orlovsky.)

Garoppolo, already panicked, panicked even more when he realized that he was about to fly out from behind the end zone, flattening an intercepted ball. Indeed, Broncos linebacker Bradley Chubb caught him and ran into the end zone, but luckily for the Niners, that pass was wiped out by Garoppolo going out of bounds. He’s the first guy in NFL history to save a six by giving up a safe.

The 49ers looked foolish when they failed to trade or cut Jimmy G during the offseason, but when starter Trey Lance went down with a season-ending injury last week, the Niners found a silver cushion in Garoppolo’s presence. Garoppolo led the team to the Super Bowl three seasons ago and to the NFC championship game last year. No, Jimmy G may not be as “talented” or “good at throwing the ball” as many other quarterbacks, but he knows how to do it. win games, we were told. He was praised for his intelligence, his intangibility, his ability to just go and get the job done.

If Garoppolo gamer With courage who knows how to winwhy is he running out of the back of the end zone? How can we praise this guy’s intelligence and composure, only to watch him panic and do something incredibly stupid? In one play, Garoppolo disproved everything that allegedly makes him valuable.

There’s a reason why we remember Orlovsky’s game so vividly, despite the fact that it happened almost 14 years ago: it was not only a funny moment, but also a defining moment for those winless Lions, one of only two 0-16 teams. in NFL history. Meanwhile, these 49ers were meant to be contenders, with Garoppolo being the QB who played when they hit it big last year. And so we must remember Garoppolo more than Orlovsky. The Lions would have been terrible with or without Orlovsky’s mistake. But we have enough reason to believe that these Nines should be good – and instead they lost 11-10, with Garoppolo’s unauthorized safety turned into an advantage. Garoppolo did not pull Orlovsky. Orlovsky pulled out Garoppolo.

Winner: Philadelphia Post Carson Wentz

Philadelphia fans love Philadelphia teams, it’s true. But there is also a part of their brain that derives as much joy from the fall of its most hated rivals as it does from its own success. If the Philadelphians had to choose between an Eagles victory or three other NFC East teams suffering catastrophic losses… well, that would be close.

This year, I don’t think Philadelphia will have to choose. Eagles rule. Right now, they are third in the odds of winning the Super Bowl, behind only the Bills and Chiefs. And three starting quarterbacks for other NFC East teams. 25th, 28th and 34th in RingerQB rating. One such quarterback is Carson Wentz, a quarterback who was once loved by Eagles fans before they realized he was a very bad quarterback.

Sunday was Wentz’s first game against the Eagles since leaving Philadelphia on unhappy terms in 2021 — and it’s been a fever dream for Eagles fans. Wentz was fired nine times. shares the most QB since 2019. Already in the third quarter, the commanders had negative passing yards due to all the lost yards due to bags.

And Jalen Hurts…the guy Philadelphia chose to replace Wentz in 2020.– Looks like a fucking superstar. He threw for 340 passing yards and three touchdowns. Philadelphia won 24-8; Wentz scored zero points as commanders scored for safety and rushing landings. Ahead of the season, I thought Wentz’s return to Lincoln Financial Field in November would be the Philadelphia equivalent of this year’s Super Bowl, but hell, the Eagles might actually be in the spotlight. real Super Bowl this season.

Loser: Destroyed Las Vegas Raiders

Last week we wrote about how difficult it is for teams with a score of 0:2 to get into the playoffs. Guess what! It’s even darker for 0-3 teams! Since 2000, 109 teams have started the season 0-3.; only one, the 2018 Texans, made the playoffs. This meant Sunday’s game between the 0-2 Raiders and 0-2 Titans had huge stakes: it was the first time in 16 years (and only the third time in NFL history!) the two playoff teams from the previous season met 0-2 before the start of the third week. Both apparently had high hopes for 2022 – and…


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