Winners and Losers of NFL Week 9


Every week in the 2022 NFL season, we’ll be celebrating electric pranks, investigating colossal bugs, and explaining the inexplicable moments of the latest tablet. Welcome to Winners and Losers. Which one are you?

Winner: Patrick Mahomes legs (and back)

For an NFL legend, Patrick Mahomes is not graceful with a ball in his hands. While most NFL runners don’t have extra movement, Mahomes’ upper and lower body are on separate pages. Long legs move; its torso remains completely upright; instead of holding the ball to his chest for ball safety, he spins with both hands, swinging his left arm wildly in the air to keep his balance. RingerDanny Kelly compared his running style to someone trying to run without spilling a pint of beer. I think he looks like a slower version of an ostrich especially the bizarre way they use their wings to change direction. He runs like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, like he’s wearing hippie platform boots instead of cleats, and despite their unnatural running style, both are equally good at escaping monsters and surviving into the next day.

On Sunday night against the Titans, Mahomes saved the game with his struggle to not open shots, but to move the ball around the field. He had a career-high 63 yards, 34 of which came on a drive that forced him into overtime. He gained 20 yards on third and 17th for a critical first down and then ran 14 yards for a touchdown. and then rushed for a crucial two-point conversion.

The NFL put out one of those Next Gen Stats charts for a TD scrum, and I swear, Mahomes’ point is the slowest ever to hit the end zone. They usually say something along the lines of “carrier ball reached 23.02 miles per hour!” but I guess they didn’t say it this time because Mahomes was driving there at the speed of a golf cart.

But the graphics perfectly show why Mahomes is such a successful scrambler. As all the Titans linebackers and defensemen were furiously trying to keep up with the Kansas City wide receivers, none of them looked at Mahomes. There is only one DB on the right side of the field and he is actually running. away from Mahomes to stick to his man and prevent an easy touchdown throw. To win the TD, Mahomes only needs to win the race with Jeffrey Simmons’ 305-pound defensive grip.

Mahomes really did everything for the Chiefs to win. He had 446 passing yards, the third-highest total of his year, and also led Kansas City in rushing… more than 50 yards. None of KC’s running backs had more than 5 yards; the trio of Clyde Edwards-Heler, Jerich McKinnon and Isaiah Pacheco combined to carry 12 carries for 14 yards. Mahomes’ legs got the highest score of the game, but the Chiefs won because he put the team on his back.

Lost: Aaron Rodgers

Every week my editor begs me: please don’t make another Loser: Aaron Rodgers entry. It’s week 9, and by my count, we’ve done at least 12 Loser: Aaron Rodgers. But what the hell am I supposed to do? This guy can’t even successfully hang up right now.

Sunday should have been a good game for the Packers. They played the Detroit Lions, who finished last in the NFL in points allowed and yards allowed per game on Sunday and tied for 30th in forced losses. If any part of Vintage Aaron Rodgers was still there, he would tear those lions apart – you know, like he does every year.

Instead, Rodgers made three interceptions for the first time since 2017. The first was a bit of an accident, bouncing off a defender’s helmet, although Rodgers probably could have hit a touchdown with a better pass that didn’t hit any defender.

The next selection was made as a result of a trick play, a pass back to a suitable offensive lineman. The stunt part of the performance worked! The defenders did not go with the tackle of David Bakhtiari, who ran cleanly into the open. But Rodgers made a terrible pass, jumping off his back foot under pressure. Paz was a long way from Bakhtiari, and the only person who stood a chance was Lions rookie defenseman Aidan Hutchinson.

The third interception required Rodgers to rip a perfect ball through the double cover to a receiver in the seam. It’s a tough shot, but that’s the type of shot Aaron Rodgers landed.

The Lions have conceded at least 24 points in each of their first seven games this year. Green Bay got nine. Detroit’s terrible secondhand had just two interceptions through Sunday, which certainly contributed to the firing of the quarterbacks coach last week. They had three picks against Rodgers, surpassing their season total against the broken legend in one day.

After a 3-1 start, the Packers lost five games in a row. FiveThirtyEight gives them a 0.7 percent chance of coming back to win the NFC North over the Vikings 7-1. They have the toughest schedule left in the league., and their remaining games will be against teams with an overall record of 40-26. They are Indeed I needed this game against 1-6 Lions, but it didn’t work out.

So, this is your latest entry, Loser: Aaron Rodgers. If he fails to score against the worst defense in the league, no bad game from now on will be remarkable enough to be mentioned.

Winner: “Regression to the Mean” by Joe Mixon

For some reason, Bengals RB Joe Mixon just couldn’t score touchdowns for the first two months of the season. Mixon was third among NFL runners in touchdowns, but only three touchdowns, tying him with understudies such as Dontrell Hilliard and Chase Edmonds. You might notice this if – and this is only hypothetical – you and your friends participate in some kind of fantasy competition in which your team receives a certain number of points depending on the statistical achievements of NFL players for a given week.

Mixon led the NFL in nearly touchdowns. In the first eight weeks of the season, Mixon had an amazing 19 games in which he was caught between the 5-yard line and the goal line. No other player had more than 10. That’s one more near-touchdown per week than anyone else in the league. Maybe the Bengals telegraphed touches from the goal line to their runner; maybe he didn’t have enough strength to cross the goal line; maybe someone outbid Joe Mixon for Joe Mixon in his fantasy league. Despite everything, he continued to approach. And, unfortunately, near-touchdowns in fantasy football score zero points.

Sunday, that finally changed. Mixon became the 17th player in NFL history (and the first this season) to score five goals in a game.

Joe Burrow had one rushing touchdown and Mixon did the rest in a 42–21 win over the Panthers. After J’Marr Chase came out, Mixon replaced this scramble by tapping his toe on the edge of the end zone.

In the standard scoring, Mixon had a fantasy score of 51.1, 13th overall by players in any NFL game (although this includes some games that were created long before “fantasy football” was invented by anyone). He jumped to fourth in one day.

Near-touchdowns may not score points for your fantasy team, but they may be the most important statistic for fantasy football’s future success.

Winner: New York Jets

Josh Allen played like hell on Sunday. Before someone jumps down my throat, this is not an opinion. It’s just a repeat of what Allen said about himself on Sunday.

The Bills QB had a low season in passing yards (205) and failed to score a touchdown for the first time this season. He made two interceptions and was fired five times. He looked like a younger, less refined version of Josh Allen from yesteryear who never figured out how to use his huge talents. The Bills scored just 17 points, their lowest of the season. Who killed this football god? Who wiped the smile off the truck-sized NFL superstar’s face? Who beat the Super Bowl favorites?

It gives me great pleasure to tell you the answer: MY FAVORITE NEW YORK JETS. Despite the winning record, the Jets were 10.5 points behind the Bills at home, and I understand that. I also thought they would lose. I thought they would lose almost all 60 minutes including all 37…